Writing for internal comms: there's gold in that intranet

Your employees are a valuable source of company news, but they are not trained writers.

Be honest, have you ever stuck a success story written by Steve in IT onto the company intranet, tech-speak and all, just to fill the space?

If you don’t adapt a story for a company-wide readership, no one will read it. You also risk overlooking a wealth of information that is both engaging and useful for your workforce.

There’s gold in Steve’s writing and I’m going to show you how to find it by taking a journalistic approach to editing internal comms stories.

But first, a little exercise:

Internal comms intranet challenge

You work on the internal comms team for Big Bank. The IT team has responded to your call for success stories and submitted the following for the intranet. It seems quite technical, but there are four news stories hiding in the text that would be great for a wider company readership. Can you spot them?

The Client Data IT team has recently completed the first phase of the bank’s strategic client data consolidation project.

Client information used to be stored in completely separate systems. The data has been consolidated into a single global data repository that gives the customer services team a single client view across mortgages, insurance and savings. 

We have also built a new microservices architecture with APIs, allowing the data to be used programmatically by other systems in the firm. 

The architecture is highly resilient with multiple microservices running at any one time, so in the event of any hardware failure, there would be minimal impact to consumers of the data.

Initially, the new system will be hosted in our datacentres, but the next phase of the project will focus on moving the system to run on AWS (Amazon Web Services).  This will result in significant infrastructure cost savings.

Did you spot them? I’ll reveal the answers in the following guide.

How to write and edit company news like a journalist

1. Identify your reader(s)

Before you write a company news story, identify your readership (there may be more than one).

In the above example, we might have:

• The Customer Service team

• The entire company

• Heads of business

• Other IT teams

2. Figure out the news angle

For each group, ask yourself why they should care about Steve’s story. Better still, ask Steve what difference his project will make for each of your audiences, why should they care?

These are your news angles.

Here are the four angles from the example story (one for each readership):

Customer services

Customer service operators will have a full view of the customer’s interaction with Big Bank, creating cross-selling opportunities across all business areas, following an IT upgrade.

Heads of business

IT has completed the first phase of a project that will bring significant cost savings to the business.

All employees

IT outages will be reduced significantly following an systems upgrade, which will allow the support team to seamlessly fix problems.

IT management

Steve’s original story is perfect for this audience, so we’ll leave it as is.

3. Write for your audience

If your system allows you to target news to different audiences, you might end up with four different stories. That’s a big upgrade from just one that nobody read.

For each audience, re-order your story, so that their bespoke news angle appears in the top line.

Make sure any jargon is accessible to your intended readership. I’ve reduced Steve’s efforts to an ‘IT upgrade’ for the customer services team, they really don’t need to know about microservices architecture.  However, his original copy is spot-on for other IT teams in the bank.

An apology to IT teams

I’ve picked on IT teams for this blog, but the premise is the same for any department. Employees tend to write about their successes within the narrow scope of their own field. It is your job to tease out why their achievement matters to the wider business.

And if your computer crashes while doing it, be nice to Steve.

Next topic, you decide

I started this series after providing copy editing services for various communications teams and noticing common pain points. I aim to ‘go micro’ on a given topic each week, such as how to structure a news story, how to simplify your writing, and how to write for different audiences. What else would you like me to cover? Let me know in the comments below.

About me

I am a copywriter and communicator who helps companies of all sizes – from tech start-ups to global consultancies – with all things copy-related. My services include bespoke training, content strategy, copy editing, and, of course, my favourite thing, writing.

Writing for internal comms: why quotes matter and how to write them

When bored comms teams write famous quotes

This article shows you how to write quotes that will bring some zing to your corporate communications.

First, we’ll look at why you should include quotes, then we’ll talk about how to write and format them.

Spoiler, they will not look like this:

“We’re excited to announce a new partnership with Big Co,” said Sunshine Desserts CEO, Charles Jefferson.

Did a little bit of you just die with boredom?  

Rule one: No quote beginning “We’re excited…” will ever excite a reader  –  neither will your CEO being thrilled, delighted or passionate about something.

As a journalist, I used to firmly ignore such quotes. Your workforce will do the same.

But unlike hacks, who must make do with quotes they are given, comms teams have the luxury of writing them from scratch (with the permission of the person being quoted – that’s rule two btw).

Before we get ahead of ourselves,  let’s look at why quotes are so useful:

Three reasons to include a quote in company news stories

1. Quotes provide insight

The main body of a news article comprises facts; a quote is your chance to put them in context. What does your speaker think about the new deal with Big Co and, more importantly, what does it mean for the reader?

It’s the difference between A and B:

A: “I’m excited to be the first man on the moon.”

B: “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

Neil Armstrong didn’t tell us something we could have guessed, but gave us the bigger picture about what his mission meant (he even fluffed his lines, and it’s still a great quote).

NB – I’m not suggesting you should be excited about Sunshine’s stateside success, but you’re not the intended reader. If we were chasing some coverage with a press release, I might go for something like:

“We’re bringing spotted dick to the land of doughnuts.”

2. Quotes humanise communications

Which of the following would make you feel good about working for Citi?

A: The HR department is excited to announce it is granting all employees an extra day off in recognition of their hard work during the recent pandemic.

B: Citi chief executive, Michael Corbat says, "Please take the day to relax and enjoy time with your families. We need to take care of ourselves."

Phrase B wins for two reasons:

It creates a sense of familiarity – readers are more likely to engage with a statement from someone they know and can picture, rather than a faceless department.

It shows that Citi’s leadership is authentic about its commitment to employee wellbeing.

To summarise, quotes add familiarity and authenticity to anything you send out.

3. Quotes break up formatting

People don’t read online news, they scan. Rather than reading top to bottom, your reader will flibbertigibbet around looking for key information.

They are likely to skip large chunks of text, so it’s good practice to break them up with formatting, such as sub-headers and quotes.

So far, you’ve read over 500 words of this article, all broken down into small paragraphs. Imagine it was in one big text chunk – how far would you have got? I’ll spare you an example.

How to write quotes for internal communications – a checklist

This new-hire announcement isn’t Shakespeare

Rule 1: (I’m going to repeat it as long as you keep doing it) No quote beginning “We’re excited…” will ever excite a reader  –  neither will your CEO being thrilled, delighted or passionate about something.

Rule 2: If you are writing a quote on behalf of someone else, always get it approved before publication.

Rule 3: Ensure your quote offers insight that means something to the reader. What does the speaker really think about a topic? Is it human and authentic?

• A new hire – what impressed the speaker about them? Why were they hired?

“Reginald is highly regarded in the desserts world, both for his success in international expansion and the warmth with which he shares his expertise with others. He is the perfect leader to guide us in the American market.

• A new bike to work scheme – the ‘whys’ can be covered in the copy, perhaps the speaker could tell you what it means for them personally.

“I haven’t been on a bike since I was a boy, but have picked out my gear and can’t wait  to join the Sunshine Desserts peloton in creating a greener and fitter community.”

• A health and safety announcement – make it personal

“Our top priority is ensuring that you return to your family each night without injury. The Stop-Check-Continue programme will ingrain everyday habits to continue our industry-beating safety record.”

How to punctuate a quote

First stop for things like this should be your company’s style guide. If you don’t have one, here is some good practice.

1. Always start a quote on a new line.

2. Put the person’s job title before their name.

   Use ‘Head of Flavourings, Susan Evans,’ instead of ‘Susan Evans, Head of Flavourings.’

   This frontloads important context for our flighty online reader: they may not know who Susan Evans is, but they know what a flavourings technician is. This is less important if the speaker is well known, e.g. Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook CEO.

3. Avoid incomplete/partial quotes. They just look messy, as though you couldn’t quite be bothered to finish the…[annoying huh?].

   Replace: Charles Jefferson said that the move would “benefit the Climthorpe factory.”

   With: “The move will benefit the Climthorpe factory,” said Charles Jefferson.

4. Use double quotes (unless your style guide says otherwise or you’re in the US).  

   In British English, single quotes are generally used in books, but doubles in newspapers. I personally equate corporate comms with news, so favour doubles.

5. The following is a good basic punctuation for a quote.

   JOB TITLE + NAME + SAID + COMMA + OPENING QUOTE + WHAT THEY SAID + CLOSING PUNCTUATION + CLOSING QUOTE

   Sunshine Desserts CEO, Charles Jefferson said, “Blah blah blah.”

Team Exercise

Pick a week and make it ‘quote week’.

Every time you write something that includes a quote, haul it out and give it the once-over using the above steps. Throw it around among the team to gain feedback. Give it the same love you would a headline.  Soon they will be a natural part of your writing process.  Let me know how you get on.

Next topic, you decide

I started this series after providing copyediting services for various communications teams and noticing common pain points . My aim is to ‘go micro’ on a given topic each week, such as how to structure a news story, how to simplify your writing, and how to write for different audiences. What else would you like me to cover? Let me know in the comments below.

About me

I am a copywriter and communicator who helps companies of all sizes – from tech start-ups to global consultancies – with all things copy-related. My services include bespoke training, content strategy, copyediting, and, of course, my favourite thing, writing. You can contact me on mail@emmavickers.com

Lockdown lexicon - new words for our times

Following my last serious(ish) post on language use in these unusual times, it’s time for some silliness.

Our rapidly changing world has outpaced the English language, so I thought I’d help out with some new words and phrases. I’d love to hear your suggestions.

The list in progress

blanket ban (n) prohibition of picnics

brag-ground (n) carefully curated backdrop to show-off wealth/taste during a video call. “She managed to get the swimming pool and some Tolstoy into her brag-ground.”

camera obscura (n) inability to switch on the camera in a video call esp by the over-sixties. “Granny suffers from terrible camera obscura.”

coronavirarse (n) 1. gluteal weight gain due to inactivity and boredom-eating during lockdown. 2. idiot posting pandemic conspiracy theories on Facebook see also covidiot

frapas (n): abbrev Freezer Tapas - meal comprising random frozen items, typically enjoyed the evening before an online food delivery

furlough can you go? (phrase) question asked of persons still in their pyjamas at 4pm

flour power (n) smugness at having nabbed the last 1 kg bag of self-raising in Sainsbury’s

force Midge-Ure (n) 1. dusting down (and loud playing) of old record collection by partner during lockdown “I was trying to work, but he unleashed a force Midge-Ure” 2. (n) saccharine YouTube singalong by a group of celebrities “Gal Gadot’s Imagine video was a force Midge-Ure to be reckoned with”.

grayscale (n) 1. setting to save ink while printing a forest’s worth of home-school material. 2. Deviation of hair colour from pre-lockdown hues

impending Zoom (n) regret at having committed to online drinks when you’d rather be watching The Tiger King

lockclown (n) friend who insists on flooding your WhatsApp group with pandemic-related memes

magnum nopus (n) refusal to write a novel or master a new skill during lockdown. “Write a book or paint a masterpiece? That’s a magnum nopus from me, Gwyneth”

metre reading (n) surreptitious evaluation of whether approaching pedestrian is approved 2m away, typically followed by diving into a bush or into a line of heavy traffic (final metre reading)

quaranteen (n) person displaying unpredictable mood swings and self-centred behaviour during lockdown. “His office is a mess and there are empty bottles of tonic water in the fridge; I’m living with a quaranteen.”

slap for carers (n) the application of make-up for your weekly ‘night-out’ to applaud the NHS. See also clapsule wardrobe

short back and sighs (n)  poorly executed home haircut “We followed the YouTube tutorial to the letter, but still ended up with a short back and sighs.”

wicks sweat (vb) 1. draws moisture from body, as seen in modern technical fabrics. 2. (n) perspiration experienced by middle-aged parents following #PEWithJoe

zoom groom (n) cursory check for rogue facial hair/teeth spinach before video call

In these ? times - choose your adjective wisely

Choose the right words in difficult times

Are these times unusual, dark, or unprecedented? This five-minute read for comms teams and business writers shows you how to choose the right words. If you’re still unsure, there’s a guide at the end.

The linguistics of lockdown

I have always been fascinated with the linguistic tics generated by news events. Certain types of stories permit us laypeople to break out the specialist jargon and boldly refer to scrambled helicopters and tropical storms making landfall.

The COVID-19 pandemic has generated a lexicon of its own – will self-isolate or Zoombombing make it as the Oxford English Dictionary word of the year? This post focuses on a four-word phrase that that has proliferated written and verbal communication over the last three weeks (just take a look in your inbox). Even the Queen of the United Kingdom got in on the act.

HRH opted for challenging*, HSBC plumped for uncertain, online grocery store Ocado went for unprecedented, and Savills estate agency banked on extraordinary.

I am referring to In these X times, where X is an adjective indicating the level of gravity that an individual or brand wishes to apply to the COVID-19 pandemic.

A hardworking phrase

In these unusual times (see!), this phrase serves two purposes. The first is to place a message within the context of the global pandemic. Take this example from UK state-owned bank NS&I, which audaciously goes for a double with uncertain and exceptional:

“This is an uncertain time for everyone, and we would like to reassure you that you will continue to have access to your savings during this exceptional time.”

The second, let’s call it ‘the pragmatic use’, is to indicate that the author has acknowledged the pandemic (they are not monsters), before pressing on with business as usual. This example comes from online beauty brand Beauty Pie, which has also done a double with unprecedented and uncertain:

“During these unprecedented and uncertain times, we have tried to do something that in some small way can help – by bringing control and small pink boxes of happiness.”

To be clear, I’m not knocking business as usual; hats off to those companies that continue to safely operate during COVID-19.

In these ? times – a guide

So, when writing a business communication, which adjective should you use? Choose badly and you could end up looking histrionic or, worse, unsympathetic. Here’s a handy guide, ordered in terms of escalating gravity.

Unusual – you have organised your lockdown wardrobe into day pyjamas and night pyjamas

Extraordinary – you are launching an art competition to keep children occupied (well done Savills, you nailed this)

Unprecedented  – pedants will argue that pandemics have happened before - Spanish Flu, SARs et al - but not on such scale in globalised times. With more than a fifth of the world in lockdown, I say this one is fine

Uncertain – you work for an industry that will be mildly affected by this

Tough/challenging/testing – redundancies are likely, you’ve had to completely rethink the way you do business.

Difficult/Worrying –you are writing about finances, the elderly, or front-line NHS workers

Terrible – your company is going into administration

Dark, tragic  – reserve for writing about fatalities. Never for business fripperies, e.g.  “In these dark times, we are launching a new energy drink.”

Or, say nothing at all

Several weeks into the COVID-19 pandemic, there is an argument for not using the phrase at all (and certainly not the double). This is especially true of the pragmatic use – no one needs reminding what the world looks like, so just go ahead and market your soft drink.

I am also a big fan of dropping the hyperbole altogether and serving these ? times straight-up as The COVID-19 pandemic, as I’ve done in the above paragraph.

I’d be interested to know your adjective of choice and if there are any I’ve missed.

Every word counts, in these…oh, you decide… times.

---

*Actually, Elizabeth II opted for increasingly challenging in her speech to the nation, but what’s the point in being monarch if you’re not allowed a modifier.

Ghostwriting - forty minutes to a perfect thought piece

Working with a ghostwriter saves you time and money. Here, I explain what the process entails.

You are an expert precisely because you focus on your day job, not fiddling around with commas on a blog for your company’s website.

A ghostwriter’s job is to put your knowledge into compelling words so that you can get on with your work.

Years of interviewing top CEOs for national newspapers taught me how to create an article from a short press conference or a five-minute telephone call.

Today, I use these skills to help businesses of all sizes effortlessly create insight pieces for their websites, LinkedIn Publishing or print outlets. 

But what does working with a copywriter - or ghostwriter - involve?

How does ghostwriting work?

These are the steps I take when working with individual experts to produce a 600-800-word article or thought piece. I’ve also included an average of how much of your time it will take (not much).

For me, the process usually starts with your marketing department. We will discuss the intended audience and goals of your thought piece, as well as the company’s brand guidelines and writing style.

Now, it’s your turn:  

1. I will send you a short questionnaire to tease out your thoughts on your chosen subject (click here for advice on how to choose a topic). No need to respond in perfectly crafted English – bullet points are enough. I will also ask you for any supporting material you might have, such as presentations or facts and figures. This gives me enough information to research the topic and refine my questions for step two. Your time - 10 minutes

2. We carry out a short telephone interview to further flesh out your ideas. This will also give me an idea of your communication style. While writing your piece, I might contact you for the odd fact check. Your time - 20 minutes (a complex topic might need a little longer)

3. I will send you a completed piece, usually a day or two later. This is your chance to read through, make any changes and ensure you are entirely happy with your piece (we’ll do this twice). Your time - 10 minutes 

You will now have a crafted thought piece to show potential clients exactly why they should choose you. That wasn’t so bad, was it?

The above exemplifies just how easy the process can be, but if you would like more time to share your thoughts, that’s fine too.

Get in touch if you have any questions about working with a ghostwriter: mail@emmavickers.com

Hey, Martha – what should I write in my business blog?

Does your blog pass the ‘Hey, Martha…’ test?

One of my favourite parts of my job is ghostwriting thought leadership pieces. But often my clients hit a stumbling block before we’ve even started: what on earth should they talk about?

Below I discuss how to choose a winning thought leadership topic, including a step-by-step guide at the end.

How to choose a thought leadership topic

As a journalism student, I learnt a simple test to see if a news story had punch. It goes like this: a man sits at a breakfast table reading the morning paper. Occasionally he comes across something so incredible he exclaims to his wife, ‘Hey, Martha…’ and reads it aloud.

This test can be applied to thought leadership pieces, such as a blog post, email newsletter, or LinkedIn publishing article. The trick is to think of a topic so captivating that your clients and prospects simply have to talk about it.

What will make people share my blog?

By ‘share,’ I do not just mean a click of a button but a real discussion of your ideas. An ideal outcome from this very article would be the CEO of a small business calling her co-founder and saying, “Hey, I’ve come up with a great idea for a blog.”

To elicit that ‘Hey, Martha…’ moment, you just need to do just one thing: be useful.

A thought piece should ultimately help your clients. This does not necessarily involve writing a ‘how-to’ list - although those can be great. It can also mean giving them a fresh perspective or a new piece of information that will help them improve their business.  

To do this follow three rules:

• Be original

• Use evidence

• Don’t pitch

Be original

There’s no point adding another humdrum explainer - on say, GDPR - to the dozens already out there. Your clients are looking for fresh insight.

Ditch standard thinking and focus on the issues that really bother them. A good way to do this is to imagine them stepping out for a coffee break – what do they moan about with their colleagues? Also, think about what animates them. What solutions are they searching for online?

Imagine your clients work in the IT department of an investment bank where an arduous sign-off process makes quick decision making impossible. They want to read about examples of institutional change, new project management techniques and even how to influence their seniors!

Remember, you want your reader to share the blog with their colleagues: “Hey Martha, could we do this?”

Use evidence

You are an expert, because you know more about your field than anyone else. Show your readers!  Make sure you can back up your opinion with evidence. This can be data, unique research, a personal anecdote or a case study.

Don’t pitch

This is probably the biggest no-no in B2B (business to business) thought leadership writing. Never try and sell your product or services – there are other parts of your website that do this. The purpose of your blog is to build trust and position yourself as the go-to expert in your field.  Sales should naturally follow.

For example, as a house hunter, I have just received a blog from a local estate agent explaining the potential impact of a forthcoming election on the housing market. At no point in the video does she try and push me ‘a delightful four-bed semi’. However, her relevant and useful insight has improved my trust in her business.

A step-by-step guide to brainstorming thought leadership topics

Step 1 In your area of expertise, jot down at least two current examples for each of the following:

• Industry trends

• Immediate and upcoming industry news

• A transformative new process or technology

• External forces (e.g. an election, budget or law change)

• Product launches

• Consumer/B2B client behaviour

• Management trends

• HR and people issues

• New regulation (GDPR or IR35, are recent examples)

Step 2 These are your talking points. For each, ask yourself: ‘What unique insight will be useful to my clients?”

Step 3 Make sure that you can back up your insights with evidence.

Step 4 Now put yourself  in your clients’ shoes. What is their reaction upon reading your piece: was it a waste of time, or worth a mention in their next board meeting?

If it’s the latter, congratulations, you have arrived at a ‘Hey, Martha…’ blog topic.

An example

Let’s reverse engineer the estate agent’s blog mentioned earlier to see if the author followed these steps.

Step One She has identified an external force impacting my house search - the forthcoming election.

Step Two She has shared some information that is useful to me – the likely scenario should each party win the election.

Step Three She has backed up her insight with evidence – housing market data from previous election years.

Step Four Did she achieve a ‘Hey Martha, moment’? Yes, I shared it with my husband, a key decision maker in our house search.

Now it’s your turn

A lot has changed since I was a journalism student. Today our breakfast table husband would be reading his iPhone and housewife Martha might even be deemed capable of reading the news herself.  However, I believe the ‘Hey, Martha…’ test is still a powerful indicator as to an article’s ultimate success.

Try it and let me know how you get on at mail@emmavickers.com